Notice how often you hear euphemisms like ‘passed’, ‘passed away’, ‘lost’, in conversations, and in the media. How can we talk about dying, plan our care or support those we love during dying, theirs, or ours if we are not prepared to name death? Do you and your family avoid the D-words? If you do, how could you begin to change this? If you were approaching your own death, who would be the important people to tell? Who do you hope would tell you if they knew that their death was approaching?
These are the questions that I encountered thinking about my own death and that’s how this quest to find out more and to learn the ‘Art of Dying consciously ‘came about in my life.
Have been searching for answers since I was very young, always knew there is more than it seems but could never really put my finger on it. And then my father passed away or rather he left this body and went on to find another one maybe. Whatever it is, made me question life. What, why, how and all the possible questions that crop up in our minds during the times of crisis but as humans, we tend to overlook difficult things such as Impermanence, illness and disease, aging, and death. We think by not thinking, talking, or discussing these fundamental aspects of life we will simply sail through and just drop out of the world one fine day.
I only wish it was so simple. The death of my father was hard on me, I never admitted till recent times, but it was as if he was gone almost suddenly and I never got to say goodbye or even know what or how he was towards the end of his life.
But somehow the idea of death and the afterlife has always stuck with me, even during my childhood.
I have always been attracted or drawn towards the supernatural, paranormal, aliens, life after death, out of body experiences.
For a long time, I was searching for the question who am I? I thought the only way to get to self-realization is believing that I am not this body or mind or thoughts. I am this eternal soul who is here for the purpose of realizing the same and then getting liberation.
Honestly, I was thinking I am doing great and probably will get what I want this birth itself. LOL!
Only then I realized the more I was trying to forget this body and mind, the more trouble it started giving me … I was solely focused on the ‘ART OF LIVING’ rather than to work on the ‘ART OF DYING’
The shift happened when I stumbled upon the book called ‘THE TIBETAN BOOK OF DEATH’
Then came a series of books and listening to audios and learning Buddhist texts and meditations on death. Following which I arrived at this conclusion that how one dies tells a lot about the person while he was living. So learning to die consciously is more important than learning how to live. Cause if u think about it..if you knew you were to die tomorrow wouldn’t you live today with all your presence of mind. With love and humility and respect compassion for everyone and everything around you?
Simply ask this question? If I were to die in a weeks’ time, what would I do or accomplish in this limited time and pen your thoughts down? You will be amazed when you compare this list to the other life goals you have made.
What I am sharing in this blog are my views only and I am not trying to insinuate or challenge anybody’s take on this matter as I truly believe we all have our own journeys and our own baggage’s to take care of. My life and death are as unique to me as yours is to you.
The existential questions of who am I?, from where did I come? and where do I go? Ends with death. It also ironically starts with dying. Death as we know it is the end of this physical body, but we stay on in some subtle astral body. Till we realize who we are and then we become one with the formless that is the end of our cycle of birth and death.
So my question is that if this is it then why do we still suffer and why are we still so afraid of dying? Or seeing our own die? What is the mystery behind this?
Yes, I have read about many brave souls who did not even wince at the time of death and went on the other side quite gloriously. But they were by far very few. What about us mortals who don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow let alone what will happen after we die.
That’s a huge burden to carry my friends and I hear you. That is why I feel as a society we should encourage the talk of death, discuss it with families and friends and likeminded people.
We are born to die. It’s as simple as that and yet we forget and start living like we are always going to be here forever with the same group of people.
Realizing that we are dying is the first step towards spirituality and liberation. In death there is immortality.
Yet this simple truth is so difficult to take in, leave alone practice it. Like they say it is easier said than done.
Hence I started focusing on death rather than life.
Simply cause the more I thought of this life is as fragile and impermanent as it is the closest I got to appreciate it and everything in it.
Dying is beautiful if only you open up to the immense possibilities it shows you afterward.
We come into this world to die, life happens in its own way, and for a very short time like they say life is the pause between birth and death.
We spend our lives creating our future by creating habits, learning from experience, examining our weaknesses and strengths. Our lives as we live them day by day create the person we will be at the moment of death.
For most of us, we do not know when death will come or how it will come, but for most of us, it comes with either a terminal illness or some fatal disease, heart attack, stroke, or accident. The latter ones can either be sudden and quick or it may leave us incapacitated for long periods of time in some ICU units far away from our loved ones… clinging to various machines making weird sounds and letting our loved ones know that somewhere deep inside a little bit of us still remains … we are at the mercy of those machines. Personally I rather die instantly or sign up a declaration so as to not to put me on any kind of reviving methods in case something like this happens to me.
I cannot imagine the folks what they must be going through hanging in there at the mercy of a switch.
So as I was saying for most of us we might die mostly of old age and related disabilities. Thanks to modern medicine which has prolonged lives to such an extent and the advent of intensive care units which has become lifesavers for most.
I am not against the concept of living into old age, as long as you are healthy and you do not become a burden to your loved ones. Otherwise, it’s just not worth it.
Aging is a beautiful process, we all age. It is only how you look at it. It’s not so much about aging as much as it is about your perspective towards it.
When you are young and healthy you believe you will live forever. You do not worry about losing any of your capabilities. People tell you “the sky is your limit” you have an abundance of energy inside of you, you feel like you can conquer the world, and so on. And you are willing to delay gratification – to invest years in gaining skills, experience, resources for a brighter future. You widen your networks of friends and connections, instead of spending time with your parents. You thrive to achieve success, personal growth, and self-actualization. But as your horizons contract – when you see the future ahead of you as finite and uncertain – your focus shifts to here and now, to everyday pleasures and the people closest to you. And this shift can happen at any age. It is all about perspective. How you view this life through your own lens.
When life gets tough, your concerns about people and things slowly start to change, your priority changes.
Remember death can happen to anyone at any time. It does not know you as who you are, how old you are at the moment, what your aspirations were, etc. it comes when it has to come.
So the best way to deal with it is to be prepared not fearless. You cannot say I don’t fear death that would be a lie but to accept it humbly and know that it might happen anytime to me or my loved ones can help be prepared emotionally and mentally. To be able to help, guide, and support the dying and prepare yourself for the same.
Instead of worrying sick or trying to avoid which is really futile… we must invest in contemplating death.
Remember that there is only one important time and that is NOW. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person you are with, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making the person standing at your side happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.” says Buddha.
The Take away:
We all reach the end of our lives with a mixture of satisfaction and regret over our experiences – and the time to adjust that balance is now. Every moment of our lives is ‘NOW’ as we live it. So what can we do that adjusts the balance towards satisfaction and away from regret, even while we are not anticipating the approach of death?
What are the values that guide your decisions in life? How well have you met your own expectations? Do you judge yourself with as much kindness as you judge others? Is there any change you would like to make so that your way of life fits better with your values and beliefs? What first step could you take?
The way we plan our future goals for success and accomplishments, spend some time planning the end too. Of course, things may not go your way but at least some of it may. And that is a huge consolation to you and your loved ones to know that you at least tried to do it consciously till the end.
Live with the End in Mind.
Leaving you with this beautiful and a very deep quote by Sadh guru:
“Those who die before they die, no longer die when they die”
Thank you for the time you have taken to read this article, hope this leaves you with more questions and will make you contemplate life’s most important questions.
If you feel like talking or discussing more on this topic, please feel free to write to me at fitnessbysoma@gmail.com. would love to know more from you.
Best
Soma
Fitness, Wellness & Nutrionist caoch
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